What's in a Name (Lessons from my Step-Father)

My step father taught me many things. He taught me to love my country, that great work is its own reward (Magnum Opus is Latin for great work, so in a way, I owe that to him as well), and he taught me that the dollar may fall, gold can melt, but a man's word is the only real currency he has to offer. He wasn't perfect, in a lot of ways he hurt me. But he loved me, and before he died we were able to see each other and reconcile, and for that I am grateful to God. It wasn't until this morning that I became aware of his greatest lesson to me, nearly 15 years after it happened.

"What's in a name?"

I was 13 and I was angry with my father. In my eyes, he had left me and my brother to be raised by another man. He left the future of his family's name to someone else. In my eyes, my father was a coward.

I had come to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to be a Cadle. I wanted no connection to my father, nor the rest of his family whom I had never met.

I had talked it over with my mother. We would change my name. She disagreed, saying that I may regret it one day, but I was adamant. My step father sat there, silent. At the time I thought he didn't speak because it was none of his concern. I wasn't his boy, it wasn't his name I would be discarding forever. What would he care?

After my mother left the room, we sat in silence.

Finally, he stood up, made his way to his bookcase and grabbed his Bible, thumbing through its wisdom until he came upon Proverbs 22:1-2.

He handed the Good Book to me, pointing where I should read.

"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all."

"Your father loves you, no matter his mistakes. I know this because I love you, your mother loves you, and the Lord loves you. You were meant to be a Cadle and that's what you should stay. Do what you want, but you are who you are no matter what some court says. You will be a great man, and your name will come to reflect that."

Here was a man who had no reason to stop me from changing my name. Nothing to gain, nothing to lose. Yet his words stopped me from doing so. And thank God he did.

At 18 I met my father and reestablished a relationship with him. We played guitar together and talked about everything from horses to women and finally God. It was like looking in a mirror. I saw my brother, I saw my unborn sons, and I saw myself.

When I turned 21 my father passed. I returned home to West Virginia for the very first time. I met my long lost sisters and brother, aunts, uncle's, and cousins for the first time. Again, I saw my brother, my unborn sons, and myself. I was a Cadle, and I was home.

Imagine if I had changed my name. Imagine my shame as I met these beautiful, loving, and caring people with whom I was eternally connected, knowing I had abandoned them. My step dad spared me of this shame. My step dad, a Caldwell, helped me to learn what it was to be a Cadle.

Before he passed we spoke in person, on the phone, and via text many times times. We discussed politics, movies, family, music, and philosophy. He thanked me and I thanked him. His final text to me was as follows:

"My. Man. How r u. Just thinking about you guys how are u doing. Gus you are amazing I still. Think any man would be proud to say that's my. Son u r special. Take care gus"

Every man is blessed with two fathers, whether they accept them or not. I was blessed with three. God the Father, my father Dan, and my step father Bob. Thank God. All three complimented the other, for better or worse at the time, it was all for a reason.

Take care, Bob. I love you and will see you soon.