To the Mother of my Unborn Children

Dearest _______,

I have yet to meet you. Or at least, I assume we haven't met. Maybe we have and I just didn't realize it. Perhaps we've passed each other on the highway. Maybe we were in the same theater at the same time once, I don't know. But, what I do know is this; I am far from being ready to meet you, and I'll tell you why.

I don't deserve you. Well, not yet anyway. You see, deep down I believe myself to be a good man. I try my best to be honest, loyal, and trustworthy. Sometimes I lie out of fear, a reflex from my youth. Sometimes I say things about people that would have been best left as a thought. And, there have been times when I've betrayed the trust of those who trusted me the most. Please believe me when I say that I regret each and every one of these instances almost immediately after they happen, and that I am striving to make them a part of my past.

I want a better life for my family. My mother works far too much and deserves rest. She raised me and four of my brothers and sisters before me. Needless to say, she should be done by now. Yet, she works day in and day out, 60+ hours a week. We talk on her work phone more often than we talk on her own cell phone, almost always interrupted by some customer complaint or management meeting. My beautiful sisters work day in and day out, being both Mom and Dad to my beautiful nieces and nephews, all because men decided to be cowards, and cowards don’t make it into the family portrait. I am fed up with the situation my family is in, and I am obsessed with changing it.

That being said, my life consists mostly of work. Ironic, isn’t it? But, that’s the world we live in. I’m not complaining, please don’t misinterpret my words. America is the land of opportunity, not certainty. Each and every day I wake up, I have the opportunity to better our lives, and each day I take that opportunity and squeeze it for all its worth. Soon, those days will add up to months, those months to years, and those years will be all the hard work I need to cash in for a better life for all of us. I have a plan, and it will succeed, quite frankly because failure is not an option. My family will be better off in five years, or I’ll die trying.

So you see, I have to be a better part of my mother’s family before we can ever start our own. I have an obligation to them. As a son, a brother, an Uncle, and as a man. When that obligation has been fulfilled, I believe then I will be ready to meet you, and God will bring us together. I will have learned the lessons needed to be a husband and a father. Our sons will grow to be great men, our daughters strong women, and our family name will last long after we have passed.

I pray, wherever you are, that you and your family are well. I just hope you don’t think that I’m not out looking for you because I don’t want you. It’s quite the opposite. I want to deserve you.

I love you more today than I did yesterday,

Gus